CHANGING. GROWING. LEARNING.

Change. Something we all are familiar with.

I’m not talking about the change that your dad carries around in the pocket of his Levi’s. I’m talking about the kind that keeps us on our toes– the kind of change that allows us to grow and evolve.

Change is good. But let’s be honest, change can be difficult. In fact, sometimes change can be heartbreaking. In just two months, I have experienced so many changes. I changed my last name, my job title, my address, my priorities, my everything, for the most part. I loved the changes I was experiencing. I still love them.

These beautiful new changes are so exciting. They are the changes we pray for and so desperately long for throughout our lives. We await the changes with arms wide open and greet them so favorably once they arrive.

And then something happens. Of course, how can it not? We experience change in a not-so-favorable light. It is inevitable. The dreaded change that you don’t see coming; You don’t welcome it either. The kind of change that stops you in your tracks and leaves you defeated. I have come to know that change recently.

My grandmother recently lost her fierce fight with cancer. She was 74 years young and put up a strong fight against the odds.

It is devastating to lose a loved one. Somehow the world keeps turning, but how can it, knowing you will never see that person again? One second they are there and alive and the next they are gone. Eventually, that despair in your heart turns into a mental battle in your mind. Mine looked like this:

I will never taste her cooking again.
My bundt cake will never taste as good as hers did.
I will never hug her again.
My children won’t know her.

During these thoughts and feelings of grief I picked up the book, The Fight to Flourish, by Jennie Lusko. Jennie lost her 5-year-old daughter, Lenya, and did not think she could continue to be a good mother, wife, or Christian. With the help of the Lord, Jennie was able to fight to flourish and uses her story to encourage others to do the same. She shares hope and encouragement with readers when she says, “God loves you. He cares for you. He is with you. He will fight for you. Your part? Believe Him. Trust Him. Keep your hands up in surrender, and just keep walking. When you come up against the impossible, when you feel like you’re losing the fight, when you’re so weary you can’t lift your fists to protect yourself, look up. See that God is there, and watch Him fight for you.”

What a beautiful way to think and believe. God’s got this. He always has and always will.

In our broken world, it is so important to remember that the key to overcoming unwanted change is trusting in the Lord. 

I can now see how God was working in my life leading up to my Grandmother’s passing. Thankfully, I was trusting in the Lord’s plan and can now see his work before my eyes. Here is the “God Wink” he gave me:

Randomly and without reason, Tyler and I changed our October wedding to March. There was no true reason we chose to turn our engagement into six short months following a relatively short time dating. I could argue that the venue fit us in so perfectly for a late March wedding, but what really happened was Jesus. I didn’t understand that until now. If it wasn’t for God uprooting our previous plans for those he had for us, Grandma wouldn’t have made it to the wedding. She wouldn’t have been there with us to celebrate.

A crazy, unfounded, irrational decision to move our wedding up a few months was not my decision or Tyler’s decision, it was God’s.

That is the beauty in the journey. When you are least expecting it, God swoops in to change your plans for the plans He has for you. Thank you Jesus for that gift!

Finally, I felt peace, and alongside it came joy. I remembered that while I may never see her again on this Earth, I will see her again someday! What a victory that is. When you open your heart and mind up to Jesus, grace and peace and joy overflow from you.

One day we will meet again and that will be such a joyous celebration! Without Jesus that wouldn’t be possible. Without Jesus, change would have certainly consumed me. Without Jesus, change would not be worth it.

Once I remembered this, I popped her bundt cake in the oven, grabbed a cup of coffee, told Alexa to play Elevation Worship, and sat on the kitchen counter and thought of my favorite moments with her. I felt at peace remembering her this way– with a cup of coffee and one of her best recipes, even if it wasn’t as good as hers.